Have you ever considered the positive influence family relationships have on our health?
According to mayoclinic.org “Healthy relationships with family, friends and other loved ones can be a great source of support, comfort and love. Still, healthy relationships don’t necessarily happen by themselves. Often, healthy relationships require compromise and forgiveness.”
Incorporating compromise and forgiveness into our relationships is not as easy as a, b, c, or 1, 2, 3. That said, discovering how God designs us to function in familial relationships is an excellent start to both cultivating better family connections and positive interactions outside the family.
Here are five strategies to help you improve your family relationships:
- Discover How God Designed You
- Define Your Top Three Weaknesses
- Determine Your Top Three Strengths
- Discern How God Designed Your Loved Ones
- Decide on a Plan to Embrace Others Just as They Are
Discover How God Designed You
As a communication expert and co-author of the LINKED® Quick Guide to Personalities series, I’ve discovered it’s not until we embrace how God designed us are we finally able to truly allow ourselves to be okay with who we are and how different we are from others.
“Learning about the personalities broadens your horizons and gives you a base of wisdom for self-discovery and a positive approach to relationships.”
Have you considered the intricacies of our brain’s function? God not only created the brain with a great purpose, but He also designed each of us to interact with others, specifically with how the lobes of our brains connect. If you’ve not taken a personality assessment, give the How God Designed Me quiz a try to discover your dominant personality.
Everyone is in the relationship business. Therefore, it helps to know what our weakest and strongest temperament links are to enjoy the healthiest relationships possible.
Define Your Top Weaknesses
No one wakes up in the morning hungry to discover their weaknesses. No one except for a person ready to live, love, and laugh more in all their relationships.
I admit, I was not interested when I was first introduced to the concept of personality traits, behavioral science, and introvert/extrovert tendencies. Seriously! I rolled my eyes, and said, “I don’t need anyone placing me in a box!” My friend who invited me to the conference was not amused.
After attending the Christian Leaders, Authors, Speakers Seminar (CLASS) and meeting the founder, Florence Littauer, I was intrigued and wanted to know more. Learning more about my natural design started me down a path of discovery, resulting in a deeper understanding of how to help my relationships thrive.
Did I mention I got my personality wrong? I did. There was no way I could be a bossy airhead who only cared about herself. Okay, okay. The assessment didn’t use those exact terms, but that is how I perceived the results. Why? Because I was focusing on the weaknesses defining me, not on the overall results.
Once I stepped back and read the complete analysis, I discovered everyone has positive and negative tendencies. And only by accepting how I might behave in a worst-case scenario was I able to act in a more loving way toward how I treat others.
The How God Designed Me quiz mentioned shows us how we are seen by those who care about us. My results opened my eyes to experiencing better communication in my relationships.
What negative traits do others see in you?
- Are you a Socializer who’s undisciplined and overly talkative?
- Are you a Mobilizer who’s impatient and domineering?
- Are you an Organizer who’s hard to please and critical of others?
- Are you a Stabilizer who’s stubborn and indecisive?
Don’t be dismayed. You are who you are by design, and every human has weaknesses. Once we are aware, we can take our actions seriously enough to be willing to change. Praise the Lord; we are not all about weaknesses. Our strengths are seen by others as well.
Determine Your Top Strengths
Though the prominent four personalities can blend with similar tendencies, there are particular strengths unique to one or the other.
The mobilizing leader can quickly assess a situation and devise a solution to the problem.
The socializing talker has storytelling abilities that keep everyone entertained.
The stabilizing peacemaker remains calm when chaos overwhelms others in the room.
The organizing thinker researches so well that their answers prove to be correct at least 90% of the time.
Did you know the strengths God gifts you with can become detrimental when taken to extremes?
- A born leader can be seen as bossy when they point out corrections without compassion.
- Steadiness in our peacemakers can be seen as laziness if they isolate at family gatherings.
- A great storyteller can come across as selfish when they only talk about themselves.
- The desire for perfection by our thinkers can cause others to think less of themselves.
Based on what you’ve learned so far, which personality best reflects you? And remember, you can be a blend of two personalities since similar traits overlap each other.
We read in Romans that we choose how we interact with others. “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (12:18 ESV). The best way to live in peace is to recognize we are all made differently for God’s purposes, and different isn’t bad. It’s just different.
Discern How God Designed Your Loved Ones
By design, your family members, friends, and coworkers react to life differently than you do. Too often, we want those people who drive us crazy to conform to our way, believing life would be much easier if they did.
Take a moment, and after reviewing the short description and sample list of positive and negative tendencies found in our personalities, see if you can predetermine which personality your family members and friends are. Then offer them the link to see if their assessment matches your assumption. If it does, woohoo! If their results differ from yours, don’t be alarmed, be curious enough to find out more about them individually. If you do that, you are one step closer to better understanding how God designed us.
Decide on a Plan to Embrace Others Just as They Are
We have determined people are different from us and that differences are not bad. That said, it still takes intentionality to embrace the differences in others, especially the differences that drive us crazy, but we can do it!
Here are some quick personality tips to help you enjoy life by design with less stress.
- For the get-er-done mobilizing leader–point less and socialize more.
- For the life-of-the-party socializing talker–talk less and listen more.
- For the keep-it-peaceful stabilizing peacekeeper–withdraw less and speak up more.
- For the everything-in-order organizing thinker–judge less and smile more.
I pray that you take away one relational nugget from this post to help you understand yourself and others better.
Helping you understand how God designed you is one of my passions, and I’m glad to do it. As you discover more about your design, you may have questions. I’m happy to answer them as best I can. Please find me on my website and reach out.
About the Author
Linda Goldfarb’s vocal prowess has pleased domestic and international audiences for more than two and a half decades as a retreat and conference speaker, radio personality, performer, audiobook narrator, podcaster, and board-certified Christian Life coach. Her award-winning LINKED® Quick Guide to Personalities series speaks volumes to the readers, benefitting them in all aspects of relationships. Whether sipping frothed coffee with friends, hiking with her husband Sam, engaging in deep conversation with her children and grandchildren, or speaking truth with gentle boldness, Linda strives to be transparent and authentic. You can find
Linda Goldfarb on Facebook too.