As our loved ones grow older, their health tends to decline, and we watch as their spouse, children, or siblings take on the role of caregiver. We see a family member become a caregiver, and we want to help. But what can we do? The caregiving responsibility is one we are aware of, but don’t want to think about. We should prepare for this possibility but rarely do.
Last winter, my grandfather’s health started to fail. His lungs began to harden, making breathing and many tasks increasingly difficult. As a result, my grandmother became his caregiver—making sure that he ate, that his oxygen machine was working, that he took the right medicine, and that he had the proper professionals come visit him at home. Challenges and mental loads that she had never anticipated suddenly became her daily tasks.
During change and health difficulties, we tend to focus on the individual with declining health. And we should focus on them and strive to be a blessing in any way that we can. However, we often overlook our family member who has now become a caregiver. Sometimes, in our effort to help the one with failing health, we forget that the caregiver has new worries, added responsibilities, and possible financial concerns. Even if we notice the stress that the caregiver is under, we struggle with how to help. We can help the caregivers in our lives by being intentional and by lightening the load they carry.
Be Intentional and Specific
When someone gradually or suddenly becomes a loved one’s main caregiver, vague offers such as “What do you need?” or “Can I get you anything?” may be more of a burden than a blessing. Of course, the caregiver may take you up on your offers, but finding an available time or the right task for you to do is one more thing added to the caregiver’s already-too-full to-do list.
Instead, offer specific ways that you can help. Send a text with a stated time that you can come over. Ask if they would like dinner at 6:00 on Thursday (instead of “Do you need anything?”). When you show intentionality and meet specific needs the caregiver has, you can lighten the load instead of inadvertently adding to it. Additionally, don’t wait until the caregiver asks for help. Look for ways you can meet needs.
Help with Regular Errands and Chores
As your loved ones’ way of life changes, chores and errands that used to be easy to accomplish now become issues. One practical way to assist a caregiver is by taking care of meals. Another way to help is by picking up groceries. Remember, be intentional and specific. A text saying, “Hey, I’m bringing bread and eggs to your house at 5:00 p.m. Need any other groceries?” is both specific and planned. And if your suggested time doesn’t work for them, don’t worry. Reschedule a time and place that is best for your loved ones.
Another way you can care for a caregiver is by taking over for a couple hours. Burnout can easily occur when the caregiver’s daily schedule becomes doctor’s appointments, medication, bills, and other extra tasks. Your family member may not have time for the things that used to be priorities. Maybe the caregiver hasn’t attended church in a week or two. Offer to come over for a couple of hours on a Sunday or Wednesday evening so that the caregiver can fellowship with friends at church. Maybe the caregiver has gotten less sleep the past few weeks because of responsibilities. Why not come to the family’s house and let the caregiver take a break while you watch your loved one? Maybe the caregiver just wants to go for a walk. You can come over to the house for a few hours to create a change of pace and provide a needed break.
You can also help lighten the load by offering to mow the lawn, dust and vacuum the house, do the dishes, and complete other errands for the caregiver. When you visit, pay attention to any unspoken needs that you can meet.
Use Your Skills to Be a Blessing
Maybe you’re tech savvy and can help fix that pesky TV remote that never works right. Maybe you have experience with taxes and finances and can help put those in order. Maybe you’re handy around the house and know how to do repairs. Whatever your skills may be, you can use those talents to lift the burden off your loved ones’ shoulders.
Send Notes and Prayers
Whether or not you live close to your loved ones, you can send a card or a text message to let them know that you are thinking of them. When bad news arrives or when another rough day occurs, a thoughtful note can be just the thing to encourage your family.
Finally, your most important strength and blessing is prayer. You can come before your Heavenly Father and ask Him to strengthen, guide, and comfort the caregiver in your life. And when you do pray, let the caregiver know. We are called to encourage and lift others up in prayer! Prayer is a wonderful gift given to us by our loving God.
Philippians 4:6-7 (KJV) tells us, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
This reminder motivates us to bring our loved ones’ needs before God, knowing that He desires to hear our prayers and lift our burdens.
Final Thoughts
There is no one way to help a caregiver. Each situation is unique, with different needs to meet and different prayers to pray. The best thing you can do is offer comfort through Scripture and prayer and be available as much as possible. God knows our needs, and He is faithful to meet them. Ask the Lord for strength and guidance as you and your loved ones navigate this new chapter of life.
About the Author
Brenna Collier is a senior in college pursuing a Bachelor of Arts in Professional Writing. In her free time, she enjoys reading, traveling, and visiting local coffee shops. After she graduates, Brenna plans to use her degree to glorify God through His gift of writing.
